Kathy Kulig BDSMKathy Kulig: BDSM Research or Personal Journey

Writing erotica and erotic romance creates the perfect opportunity to explore and study various sexual activities and lifestyles. What I’ve actually experienced in my own life and what’s made up in my imagination is my secret. My stories are fiction and are meant to entertain, not be memoirs. My life isn’t nearly as exciting as what I can imagine and what I put into my books.


Interest in BDSM

Several years ago, I wanted to start including BDSM elements in my own writing. I’ve been enjoying the intensely hot reads by other authors, the complicated and loving D/s relationships, the power exchange and struggles and fascinating plots. I was reading a lot of it—both fiction and non-fiction. I also wanted to satisfy my personal curiosity in this lifestyle. I talked to authors writing in the genre and talked to people living the lifestyle. Slowly, I was incorporating BDSM elements into some of my books. But I wanted more. I wanted more authenticity through my own experience. I recently visited a BDSM club in New York City called Paddles.

Was I nervous? Hell, yeah. I was afraid they’d look at me as being rude, a lurker and gawker. In a way I was, but in a sincere way to learn. I was among a group of writers there to learn and/or experience BDSM. The members at the club were very enthusiastic about our presence and eager to talk to us or demonstrate.

My Lesson in Flogging:

I received a lesson in flogging from Dr. Charley Ferrer. She was teaching the writer’s workshop. I learned how to swing a flogger properly without injuring the person. I went to the room of toys and traded my driver’s license for a flogger. When I came back to the main area, I found that I was suddenly surrounded by about a half dozen submissive males. I felt like Queen Bee with a number of drone bees swarming around me. One gentleman approached, the same gentleman who had earlier ‘accidently’ bumped my arm when he passed a couple times. With the flogger in hand, I had apparently given a signal I was ready to play. He asked if I’d like to use the flogger on him. I politely said, “No, thank you, I wasn’t playing this evening.” He nodded and walked away. Overhearing my answer, the other subs also left. I followed the instructor up to the loft area to practice my swing where I couldn’t hurt anyone.

After my lesson, I took it a step further. My instructor introduced me to a lovely Domme who is also a sadist. She helped me out of my dress and had me face a St. Andrew’s Cross. Using gentle strokes at first and checking in with me frequently, she continued the ‘lesson’ with the flogger. We were still in the loft area of the club, above most of the activity. I had a bird’s-eye-view of other activities while she continued to flog me with more intensity. I enjoyed the experience and allowed the pain to go slightly beyond my threshold to help with the authenticity I was searching both for my books and my own experience. I came away, both relaxed and with a heightened sense of awareness in my body and of the surroundings. When I returned to the hotel, I noticed a few bruises too.

Was it BDSM research for my books or a personal journey? Maybe a little of both.

Find out more about me and my writing at my website and you can check out Honour’s range of floggers here.